Part 5. The Two Selves, by Different Names
Fixed vs. growth mindset, scarcity vs. abundance, insecurity vs. security
We like to think of ourselves as singular beings. That there’s one “me” moving through the world, making choices, having thoughts, deciding what to say next. But if like me, you’ve ever watched yourself react in a way you didn’t plan—snapping, avoiding, catastrophizing—you know that’s far from the truth.
In my last post, I talked about how we each contain two distinct modes of being, shaped not just by personality but by neurobiology.
One is fast, emotional, impulsive. The anxious social creature, governed by the brainstem and limbic system, which evolved to keep us safe by scanning for threat, approval, and belonging.
The other is slower, thoughtful, and grounded. The calm, positive being, supported by the prefrontal cortex—responsible for reflection, empathy, and long-term planning.
But this duality doesn’t just live in neuroscience textbooks. It shows up everywhere—in how we think about learning, success, relationships, and even identity. Below are three popular frameworks that mirror this split—offering a psychological echo of what our nervous systems have known all along.
1. Scarcity Mindset vs. Abundance Mindset
The Anxious Self (Scarcity)
From a survival standpoint, scarcity made perfect sense. If you didn’t have enough food, shelter, or social capital, you were vulnerable. Our nervous systems adapted by learning to scan for what was missing.
Feeling threatened by others’ success.
Grasping at time, money, or energy.
Believing there’s not enough love or space for you.
The Calm Self (Abundance)
Abundance thinking comes when the system is calm enough to reflect, imagine, and collaborate. Instead of hoarding, it extends. Instead of competing, it co-creates.
Celebrating others’ wins as evidence of possibility.
Sharing knowledge or resources freely.
Trusting in regenerative cycles—of energy, love, ideas.
Neurobiological link: Scarcity mindset is linked to a nervous system stuck in chronic stress. Abundance emerges when the vagus nerve is toned, and the parasympathetic system can restore openness, gratitude, and trust.
2. Fixed Mindset vs. Growth Mindset
The Anxious Self (Fixed)
A fixed mindset often arises from a nervous system in defense. To this self, failure is a threat. Change is risky. And effort might expose weakness.
Avoiding new challenges.
Believing abilities are innate and unchangeable.
Defending against anything that questions competence.
The Calm Self (Growth)
The growth mindset belongs to a system that feels safe enough to stretch. It understands that failure is information—not identity.
Embracing learning curves.
Believing in neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to adapt.
Welcoming feedback as fuel, not a threat.
Neurobiological link: Growth mindset is literally supported by neuroplasticity—the capacity of the brain to rewire itself with practice. It requires enough regulation to stay curious in the face of discomfort.
3. Insecurity vs. Security
The Anxious Self (Insecurity)
When the nervous system perceives social threat—whether real or imagined—the limbic brain kicks in. We shrink. We overthink. We catastrophize.
Obsessing over what others think.
Avoiding risks to protect our ego.
Taking criticism as proof that we’re unworthy.
This is the brain saying: If you mess up, you might be cast out.
And in evolutionary terms, exile meant danger.
The Calm Self (Security)
When we’re regulated, the prefrontal cortex comes online. We’re able to pause. Breathe. Reflect. We know we have inherent worth, even if we get things wrong.
Seeking growth instead of perfection.
Listening to feedback without collapse.
Trusting our place in the world.
Neurobiological link: The insecure self is driven by amygdala overactivation. The secure self lives in a brain with a well-integrated prefrontal cortex—one that can override old fear patterns with new, intentional responses.
The Deeper Pattern
Each of these frameworks—whether born from psychology, coaching, or self-help—points to a deeper truth: we shift between two ways of being, often without even realizing it.
One reacts from fear, the other responds from presence.
One contracts, the other expands.
One clings to safety, the other reaches toward possibility.
When we understand that these states are biological, not moral, we can stop blaming ourselves—and start gently noticing where we are. And with practice, we can choose more often to live from the self that reflects our deeper values, not our deeper fears.
This post is part of the “Unwiring” series on Substack, exploring how our nervous system shapes modern life—and how we can shift from reactivity to choice. Catch up on the previous posts here.