Part 1. Dealing with People Isn’t Easy
In life, we have to deal with other people. They can be the source of some of our greatest joy, watching a child smile, appreciation for a job well done, support of a loved one. They can also be the source of some of our greatest frustration, conflict, hurt and pain. Dealing with people isn’t easy.
Okay, so life isn’t easy. That’s not new. Who cares?
Many of us want to get along better with others, we try to be nice, maybe avoid a conflict if we could, find common ground, emphasize the positive. But it doesn’t always work out.
Sometimes it’s because we’re up against a more difficult personality, someone rude, or just not as nice, or maybe someone who only thinks about themselves, or a constant complainer, or a stickler for rules.
Sometimes it’s because we had a bad day, didn’t sleep well, overworked, too much going on, or we feel triggered by someone or a situation that feels familiar. And before we know it we’re feeling unheard, ignored, overruled, dismissed, frustrated, anxious, angry, or we’re arguing back, raising our voice. It’s only later that we realize, oops, that was not helpful, I could’ve said or done something different.
Come to think of it, dealing with ourselves can be not so easy, too. Sometimes our mind gets us into trouble that later on we have to get out of. Or maybe we could hear the voice of our inner critic, that tells us we’ve done it wrong, too fat, too ugly, too stupid, too weak, too selfish, not good enough.
As dramatic as the two quotes shared here can be, at times they feel quite relatable.
Life isn’t easy, and dealing with people, including ourselves, often feels like navigating a minefield. But here's the thing: while it’s not new, it’s also not hopeless. The very challenges we face in dealing with others (and ourselves) are opportunities to grow. It’s about learning how to respond, rather than react, and recognizing that while we can’t control others’ behaviors, we can control our own actions and choices.
What can also help is having the right mental model for dealing with people. If we expect people to be generally logical or kind or there to meet our needs, or if we expect ourselves to always act in our best interest and align with our stated values, we’ll perhaps constantly be disappointed and frustrated.
The first step is acknowledging the reality: as human beings, we are pretty complex. We all carry our baggage—our past experiences, biases, insecurities, and fears. These layers shape how we interact with one another. It’s no wonder there are misunderstandings, conflicts, or moments of disconnect.
But why are we so complex, in what particular ways? And what is a good working model for people? Join us as we dig in…
This is a Part 1 of a multi-part series on Dealing with People (Starting with Ourselves)
very helpful. looking forward to the next!