Parenting in the Age of Uncertainty
How to best prepare your kids for this age of political polarization, international unrest, climate change, and AI & technology changes?
Happy 2025! What are your hopes and dreams for the new year? For the future?
Like many of you, as a parent I worry about our kids, what will the future bring for them? In this age of polarization, climate change, and technology change? A professor friend of mine wrote about parenting for the age of AI. I had so many thoughts on the subject, I decided to write them down. We just came back from a trip to China (see my travel blog on that), so my thoughts also have a bit more international perspective.
First, let me clarify what I mean by the age of uncertainty:
We’re living in a time where change is constant and often unsettling. Political polarization has reached new heights, making it difficult to find common ground. The recent election highlighted just how divided we are, raising questions about the future direction of policies both domestically and internationally.
Climate change is another pressing concern. With each passing year, we see record-breaking temperatures and increasingly severe weather events, affecting communities, economies, and the environment worldwide
Then there’s the rapid advancement of Artificial Intelligence (AI). While AI especially Generative AI presents incredible opportunities for innovation, it also brings challenges related to job security, privacy, and ethical considerations that we must navigate carefully.
On the international stage, tensions continue to simmer. Trade disputes and geopolitical conflicts create an atmosphere of uncertainty that can impact global stability and economic growth.
All these factors contribute to a sense of unpredictability that can be overwhelming, especially for us parents trying to prepare their children for the future. So what to do then? First, here are what I think of as approaches to parenting that might not work as well today:
Learning to code can guarantee a well-paying job and bright future.
I recently talked to a parent who laments that his son, a UCLA graduate in Computer Science, can’t find a job because employers want experience. While that’s just one data point, given that more than 25% of new code at Google is now generated by AI, it’s not surprising that raw code production is less valued and more human oversight from experience is valued. The same can be said for other STEM fields.
Going to an elite university can guarantee a good future.
Almost a quarter of Harvard and MIT MBAs aren’t able to find a job. And that’s the very elite schools! On top of that getting into an elite university can be partly luck. Many students with excellent grades and test scores and extracurricular activities are being turned away by elite schools. With education consultants charging $3-20k, elite school admission feels like an arms race. And there are hundreds of millions of kids in China and India who are willing to study harder than our kids.
Helicopter parenting or snowplow parenting
Doing everything for our kids (like homework), or monitoring kids constantly to make sure they do the right things to prevent failure is not a great approach to start with. It’s understandable, we love our kids so much and are so invested in their future, it’s natural to want to protect them. But given all the uncertainty the world’s gonna throw at them, we may need to accept that we cannot prevent bad things from happening, instead, they need to learn to fail and recover on their own.
I remember my mother-in-law telling me about her friend going on vacation and asking her for help to do laundry for her college-aged daughter. That to me is a parenting fail. I told my kids the story, and that my job as a parent is to get them ready for adulthood, able to live successfully on their own.
Okay, so what should parents do then? Here are some thoughts. I don’t have certainty that this is the right approach, but this is what I strive for. And to be honest, and my kids will gladly tell you, I often don’t quite get there. But trying is important.
Love your kids
When I think about the people I know having a hard time in life, much of it can be traced to not enough love and attention from their parents. I’m not saying you should spoil your kids, and give into their demands, I mean really see them for who they are, hear them out, ask them for input, and appreciate them for the unique beings they each are. Giving them loving attention helps them grow confidence and feel secure in life, and better relate to others. Every time I tried to hear my kids out, I feel so rewarded, and in awe with what they think about and can achieve.
In today’s age of uncertainty, kids need to know more than ever that they are capable beings, able to work on and address problems that’ll come their way.
Give them room to explore
You probably have heard the saying it takes 10,000 hours to be good at something. Many parents are spending a lot of time driving kids around to sports, math classes, and other activities. Just as important is to give kids free time to explore and develop their own interests, so they will spend that 10,000 hours on their own.
Yes, you’ll have to deal with a lot of time on video games, and proper limits should be set. E.g. I turned off gaming for 3-5pm afterschool hours to encourage my kids to hang out with friends and develop their interests. And gaming itself can also be a way for kids to socialize, develop leadership, and problem solve. So gaming itself isn’t the problem but unlimited gaming. With time to explore, I heard from my daughter how she only likes 9 of 351 Taylor Swift songs. Or my son on what he learned about the Syrian Civil War.
Encourage them to develop strong friendship and social skills.
Doesn’t matter how fancy the AI or technology gets, you still need to deal with people. In the future, people skills are more important than ever. With the pandemic and social distancing and remote work, even us adults are losing our social skills. We spend too much time in front of screens, and find it easier to press a button than talk to people. The young people have it much worse than us, at a critical time in their development. Those who have strong friends and social and leadership skills will have an edge. So I don’t mind driving my daughter and her friends to shopping, or let my son figuring out who and how to invite to his birthday party.
Be honest and level with them about the problems ahead
Kids are smart: they know what’s going on anyway. They know it’s hard to get into elite schools and are worried about jobs with AI. My sister-in-law, a pediatrician in a southern suburb of Boston, said her adolescent patients are so stressed with academics and getting into good schools.
I tell my kids getting into elite colleges isn’t easy and can be partly based on luck. So not getting into one is not an evaluation of them. They should still work hard and try their best, because that striving will serve them well in life.
I find if I give kids care and attention, they will also respond in kind and give me attention when I have something important to tell them. Just keep it short, no long lectures. They’ll hear me out. And when they say “mom, I already know that”, I should stop.
Hey, the good thing about this approach is it’s so much less stressful, no? No more trying to figure out what class they should take or how to get into that elite school.
The key to this approach is really managing our own anxiety. We love our kids, the thought of them failing or having a hard time in life can be terrifying. We try so hard to ensure a good life for them. In today’s world though, it might be more effective to accept that we can’t control what’s gonna happen, and work on managing our own anxiety and stress. And be that loving, relaxed, and confident parent that our kids really need; so they can grow up to be the kind, confident, and resilient people that the world needs.